Sobrang Lasing

Tasyo: Pare, sobra ang kalasingan ko kagabi,
naibenta ko ang misis ko na hindi ko alam.
Kulas: Mas sobra ang kalasingan ko pare.
Hindi man lang ako nakatawad!

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Si Mommy

Anak: Mommy, ang ganda ng bracelet mo.
Bigay ba ni Daddy 'yan?
Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa,
baka pati ikaw wala sa mundong ito.

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Bawal Umihi

Lifeguard: Sir, bawal umihi sa pool.
Swimmer: Ikaw naman, lahat ay umiihi sa pool, di ba? 'Di mo ba alam?
Lifeguard: Opo, pero inside the pool po, hindi dyan sa diving board.

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Can't Take The Chance

While a man and his ever nagging wife were visiting Jerusalem, the wife died. The undertaker asked the husband whether her body be shipped home for $5,000 or to be buried in the Holy Land for $500.00. The man chose to ship her home. The undertaker asked, "Why spend so much trouble and money when it would be a lot cheaper and wonderful to bury her in the Holy Land?" The man replied, "Long time ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, he rose from the dead. I can't take the chance."

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