Erap was asked by a gradeschooler to test his english ability.Kids : Use Deduct, Defense, Detail & Defeat in a sentence.Erap: (after 15 minutes of silence) DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, DEFEAT first, then DETAI...
Monday, April 6, 2009
Stuck...
FVR: Sorry I'm late! Brownout! Na-stuck ako sa elevator for 1 hour.ERAP: Wala 'yan! Ako 3 hours sa escalator......
Effort
Anak: Itay baksak ako sa English recitation!Tatay: Bakit, ano ba tanong?Anak: Ano daw ba ang definition ng effort?Tatay: Anak ano ka ba? ang b**o m o naman effort lang 'di mo pa alam... ang effort ay 'yong nilalandingan ng eropla...
First Man in the Sun
Russian: We are first to step on Mars.American: We are first to step on Moon.Russian-American: How About you Mr. Erap, What have you DONE?Erap: Me? I'm first to step on SUN!.Russian-American: But, we can't go to Sun its to hot in there?Erap:(Naiinis pa) What do you think of me idiot? WE GO THERE AT NIG...
Used in a Sentence
1. Use KITCHEN and CURTAIN in a sentence....Wag mo akong CURTAIN masa KITCHEN.2. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence....(phone rings).....Hello? WhoSCHOOLING?3. Use AFFECT in a sentence....Maria is wearing AFFECT diamondring.4. Use ADIEU in a sentence....If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will killyou.5. Use DECANTER in a sentence....You can order that medicine overDECANTER.6. Use DELETION in a sentence....The...
Lasing
Isang lasing nasalubong ang matabang babaeng may aso...Lasing: Hoy, san mo nakuha 'yang baboy?Babae: Aso ito hindi baboy!Lasing: Wag kang sumabat! 'Yong aso ang kausap ko!...
Matapang
Pasyente: Doc takot ako sa bunot eh!Dentista: Heto gamot pampalakas ng loob.Pasyente: (uminom ng gamot)Dentista: Matapang ka na ba?Pasyente: Oo doc, 'pag may gumalaw sa ngipin ko gugulpihin ko!...
Nag-hire ng Driver
Pedro: Ba't ka malungkot,pre'?Juan: Ang asawa ko, nag-hire ng driver, gwapo, bata at macho.Pedro: Ba't nagseselos ka??Juan: NAGTATAKA LANG AKO, KASI WALA NAMAN KAMING SASAKYAN EH!!!!...
A Dentist's Joke
Isang araw nagpunta si Maria sa Dentista. Pag upo sa silya biglang tinanggal ni Maria ang panty sabay bumukaka.Nagulat ang dentista at sabi kay Maria: "Oi Maria, dentista ako, hindi ako OB-GYNE".Sagot ni Maria, "Alam ko po Doc, pero di ba kayo gumawa pustiso ng mister ko, so please paki tanggal lang po...
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Parehong Lasing
Dalawang lasing ang nag-uusap sa bar.Lasing1: Oi pare, ang gwapo mo!Lasing2: Pare ikaw din.!At malakas na halakhak ang lumabas sa bibig ng 2 lasing BwaHaHaHa.Lasing1: Ang birthday ko, October 15 1984, ikaw pare kailan birthday mo?Lasing2: Aba! October 15 din ako, at 1984 din 'yong birth year ko!Lasing 1 at 2: BwaHaHAHa!Lasing2: Pare, nagtapos ako ng high school sa Manila High. Ikaw pare?Lasing1: Ha?...
Magic Mirror
There is a magic mirror in the Malakanyang Palace that when you say a lie infront of it a magical hand will slap you in the face.First, Jules Ledesma tried it. He said, "I think I am the tallest person in the whole Palace." A hand came out and slapped him on his cheek.Then came Gloria Arroyo who said, "I think I am the most beautiful woman in the whole Palace." The same story, a slap on the face.Later,...
Text Jokes
Barbero in Pagupit po...Lalake: Magkano na ang gupit?Barbero: P150.00.Lalake: Paano naman kung ahit lang?Barnero: P50.00.Lalake: Sige, ahitan mong ulo ko.Pesteng BuhayTatay: Pesteng buhay na to! merong kaldero, walang BIGAS! merong lampara, walang GAS! merong gripo walang TAGAS! dagdagan pa ng asawang walang HUGAS-HUGAS paano pa TITIGAS!!Few-toOne day there is an american girl, nakakita siya ng puto...Girl:...
Playing Safe
Manghuhula: Sorry Misis, but your husband will meet a violent death.Wife: Alam ko po 'yon, ang gusto kong malaman kung maaabsuelto ba ak...
Milk
Mga klase ng gatas ng babae ayon sa research...Dalagita: fresh milkDalaga: pasteurizedBagong Kasal: skimmedMatagal ng Kasal: yogurtMatandang dalaga: tahoLola: to...
Parachute
Sakay ng eroplano ang Kapitan at mga baguhang paratroopers...Kapitan: Oh, Erap lundag na.Erap: Kapitan p'wede po bang magtanong bago ako lumundag?Kapitan: Ano 'yooon?Erap: Paano po kung hindi bumuka itong parachute ko?Kapitan: 'Wag kang mag-alala bata, may usapan na kami ng Supplier. Kapag hindi bumuka... papalit...
Friday, April 3, 2009
Decaf?
ERAP ordering coffee at Starbucks...Barista: DECAF po ba?ERAP: OO, alangan naman dePLATE, tan...
In A Party
In a party, a handsome guy approached a girl and asked;are you going to dance??The girl felt so happy that someone finally asked her and she said;"yes" and the guys said "that's good, can I have your chair...
Job Interview
Sa isang job interview...Boss: Ano ang alam mo?Juan: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis mo, at kung saan nakatira ang kabit mo.Boss: Tanggap ka na!...
A COW Story
America has COWboy and COWgirl.England has madCOW.China has MaCOW.Russia has MosCOW.But the Philippines has the cutest COWs: iCOW at aC...
MakaDiyos
Dad: Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?Anak: Yes, Daddy.Daddy: Maka-Diyos?Anak: Sobra Dad.Daddy: Nasaan siya?Anak: Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimi...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Choking
Erap: Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone!
Doc: Is it choking?
Erap: No, it is Max's.
Doc: I don't mean 'Chow King', I mean, are you choking!...
Erap: No, Doc! Seryoso ako, Doc...
Feeling Cute
God made nature green,pero pinakialaman natin!God made rivers clean,pero pinakialaman pa rin natin!God made me cute,PLeaSe LANG! Pabayaan na lang nati...
Short Jokes
Mister: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyong ito, ikaw na lang bahala sa mga bata!Misis: Tumigil ka nga r'yan kung kailan tatlo na ang anak natin saka mo naisip magpatule.May naka-dinner date ako, may kulangot near her lip.Sinabihan ko na lang na may kanin near her lip. Dinilaan niya atSabi - "Ikaw talaga, hindi naman kanin eh", ULAM.Vet: Sorry po, patay na aso nyo.Pinaliguan kasi ng anak nyo...
Picture
Bartender: Sir, napansin ko bawat inom ninyo tumitingin kayo sa bulsa ninyo.Man: Ahh, ito? Picture ng Misis ko ito... pag maganda na siya sa tingin ko, uuwi na a...
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The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: 1. I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hai...
