Monday, March 16, 2009

Short Jokes

By zu   5:20 AM // 1 comment
Pasyente: Dok... Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito.
Doc: Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo... Kasi ikaw rin ang una kong pasyente"

Someday, a past love will come back to you and will say, "I still love you."
And you'll smile and say, "I know... miss mo ang romansa ko, 'no? Aminin!"

Kung totoo ang 'Darwin's theory of evolution' na ang tao ay nagmula sa unggoy, bakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo?

Inspiring quote of the day:
"Hindi ako tamad. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos kasipagan ko."

Isa Lang Tama
Wag kang maniwala sa ibang tao, kasi baka mali ang advice nila!
Wag ka rin maniniwala sa akin , kasi baka mali din ako!
Isa lang dapat mong paniwalaan, RED HORSE!
Dahil ito ang tama!

Totoo ba ang away ni Dong puno at Ronie
Zamora? Divided na raw and cabinet sa dalawang
grupo: Ang makapuno at makaronie!

Di Pwedeng Mag-asawa
Bakit di pwedeng mag-asawa si Marc Logan at Beth Tamayo?
Kasi kapag sila ang nag-asawa magiging pangalan ni Beth Tamayo ay
Beth Logan.

Ssshh!… Ayon sa SURVEY, sa ganitong oras daw
ang mga CUTE ay nagte-txt na at ang mga pangit ay
nagbabasa pa lang.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Favoritism

By zu   10:21 PM // No comments
Sa loob ng klase...
Guro: Pedro, what is 6+9?
Pedro: Maam, 15 po!.
Guro: Very good!. 'Kaw naman Juan, what is 9+6?
Juan: Pambihira! Kapag mahihirap na sa akin napupunta...
Favoritism talaga, oh!

Below 18

By zu   10:10 PM // No comments
Erap and some companions went to a drinking bar...
when he noticed a warning sign “Below 18 not allowed”
Erap said, wag na tayong tumuloy, 11 lang tayo eh.

No Parking

By zu   10:08 PM // No comments
Pulis: Bakit ka pumarada dyan?
Hindi mo ba nakita ang “no parking” sign dyan?
Lalake: Nakita ko po, kayo po ang hindi ko nakita!

The Prize

By zu   9:54 PM // No comments
Wife: (Shouting...) Honey mag-impake ka na,
nanalo ako sa lotto!.
Husband: Wow! Anong dadalhin ko?!
Wife: Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na!.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Zorro

By zu   9:38 PM // 2 comments
Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: Eh ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOZ!
Misis: Dacoz? Sino 'yon?
Mister: DA COZ of all my ZORROs!

I-pin

By zu   9:33 PM // No comments
Sinita ng PSG si Erap while entering the palace...
PSG : I.D. niyo sir?
Erap: Eto! (showed his I.D.)
PSG : I-PIN nyo sir.
Erap: Huh! (Kala ngipin... Erap gave a wide smile...)

De Lata

By zu   4:42 AM // No comments
Jinggoy: 'Dad ! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata.
Erap: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata! Englisin mo yan!
Jinggoy: Paano?
Erap: KANG GUDS!

Saan Nga Ba?

By zu   4:40 AM // No comments
A naked girl rode on a taxi...
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan
nya, "Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"
The driver replied, "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe
mo."

Lakas Kumain

By zu   4:37 AM // No comments
Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero 'di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!
Anak: Kapag 'yong baboy natin malakas kumain, natutuwa ka.
Sino ba talaga ang anak mo, ako o 'yong baboy?
Umayos ka 'nay! 'Wag ganyan!

Surgery

By zu   4:22 AM // No comments
Things you don't want to hear during your own surgery:
1. San 'yong gunting na bago? Ba't may kalawang 'to?
2. 10ml?! May nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
3. Doc, ubos na po pala 'yong anesthesia.
4. Kanina pa bukas 'yong tiyan, asan 'yong pantahi?
5. Sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

So you want a divorce?

By zu   4:57 AM // No comments
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."


The wife says nothing,
Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently..

Up to 80 . "I want the car, too," he continues.

85 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"


The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"


The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph,The wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."


Moral of the Story :
Women are crazy!!!!

Don't mess with them!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Acknowledge

By zu   6:58 PM // No comments
Konsehal: Paki acknowledge si Mayor. Late dumating, hayun kararaan lang!
Pedro (Emcee): I WOULD LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE LATE MAYOR WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.

Pilot and Brunette

By zu   6:49 PM // No comments
A famous pilot was having dinner with a brunette
and when they finished they headed to a hotel.
He calls room service and asked for a bottle of red wine.
When it arrived he put some red wine on the
brunettes lips and started kissing her. She asks
what the red wine is for and he replies, "For when
I have red meat - I have red wine." "Oooohh" she says.
A little while later the pilot jumps back onto the phone
and orders some white wine. It arrives moments later,
he splashes it on her rack and starts kissing her t**s.
She asks what the white wine is for and he replies,
"For when I have white meat - I have white wine."
Eventually he works his way down to her cunt,
pulls out a can of lighter fluid and a match,
sprinkles it on her muff and lights it on fire.
"Aaahhhhhhh, why the f*** did you do that!?!"
she yells. The pilot replies, "For when I go down,
I want to go down in flames."

Nanalo

By zu   6:39 PM // No comments
Erap in 3rd grade came home shouting.
Erap: Itay! Nanalo ako ng pahabaan ng ari.
Ama: G***! Pa'no ka di mananalo?! Eh bente anyos ka na!

Sa Bakery

By zu   6:37 PM // No comments
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba! Sosyal ka, ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake. Eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Birthday ko kaya today!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Bumps

By zu   7:41 PM // No comments
Pedro bumbs an american...
Pedro: Ay sori!
Foreigner: Sori 2!
Pedro: Sori 3!
Foreigner: What are you sori 4?
Pedro: ('kala mo bobo ako,huh) Sori 5!
Foreigner: I think you are SICK!
Pedro: (Natawa pa) hahaha! Sick daw, SIX Ogags!

Doc Talking to Moms

By zu   7:34 PM // No comments
Doc to 1st Mom, "Mahilig ka sa sweets, so you named her CANDY."
Doc to 2nd mom, "Mahilig ka sa pera, so u named him PENNY."
3RD MOM tumayo, "Let's go DICK! Bago tayo mainsulto dito!!"

Love Never Dies

By zu   7:30 PM // No comments
2 lovers plan a suicide. Boy jumped first.

Gal closed her eyes n returned back saying: Love is blind.

Boy in air opened his parachute saying: Love never dies.


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